Heidi: I have to admit, that I´m paranoid enough to find these places always scary in the beginning…
Andi: It´s VERY scary!
Heidi: WHAT? You´re not supposed to be more scared than me!
Andi: I´m also paranoid!
heidi: Yes but you have to be less paranoid than I am.
Andi: Okay whatever I´m less paranoid than you are then.
Heidi: Good. Thank you.
We drive to these places we know absolutely nothing about. The internet says they´re abandoned, but so far none of them were. We don´t know if someone owns them, we don´t know are we allowed to stay or not. If someone decides to kick us out after the sun has set we have to find a new space for the night, and everyone who´s been sleeping in a car knows, this is a fucker of a job to do in the dark. Especially if the headlights doesn´t work well…
But there´s even darker side to this: The energy of the place. Many times the monument is situated in the very location where the brutalities of the war happened. Jasenovac was a concentration camp. Podgaric was an execution spot for 900 people, and at the moment we are staying in Kosmaj, which commemorates 5000 dead soldiers. When the night falls, it´s just the three of us; Me, Andi and the ginormous monument standing next to Lufka. There are usually some locals living nearby, and sometimes we hear a car passing in the distance which raises our paranoia for a few moments. Sometimes a trail of thoughts passes by about some unfortunate campers who got killed whilst staying in wrong places. We never mention any of this aloud.
Disco Jesus watching over us
Last night I was lying in our bed trying not to think of a bloody face of a soldier trying to crawl into our van from under the door. Once in every 15 minutes I fell into that state of half awake-half-asleep, when the man appeared inside the van. I was awake again, staring at the ceiling. I found myself inside a pattern of hallusinating ripped-off faces and trying to stay awake to avoid them.
This went on up until 5am in the morning, when the sun started to rise fading the darkness into more hopefull blue-ish tones. I was able to fall asleep knowing, that the boogieman also went to sleep for the day. A few times I woke up to make sure the sun was really making it´s way up. I was hoping that I would be able to sleep a little bit longer into the day, but at 9am I gave up trying and went for a run. That, along with a cold shower from our garden hose at the back of the van usually banishes the ghosts pretty efficiently.
If we ever make it to my masterplan of a EU-funded Yugoslavian war memorial project there must be atleast 15 people around us. Chef included.